As I mentioned in my previous post, making the decision to be a stay-at-home mom was not an easy choice for me. Looking back, I can say that I'm so glad I finally decided to listen to my heart. It's taken quite some time for me to actually feel like I've started my "new job". I've been a mom for almost 4 years, but I've always been so distracted by life. With the new year upon us, I finally feel like I'm settling in to a routine and I'M LOVING IT!!!
I think it helps that I was working a job I didn't like for people that were making my life hell. I feel like this will be a good break for me and give me a chance to refocus my life. I think the kids and the house are appreciating my new found attention too. I don't think I even realized what havoc working from home was creating in my life until it was gone. I haven't been having migraines, I'm not snapping at the kids all the time, and I'm no longer dreading the start of my day.
I still have a lot of worries. Will putting my career on hold affect my ability to work when the kids go to school? Will I be able to stay motivated and keep up with things? Will all my hard work be taken for granted? I think that's my biggest fear. I am very afraid that every thing will become expected - I'm afraid people will start expecting me to drop every thing because I am "available". I'm afraid I won't hear the enjoyed "thank yous" when the house was in order. I worry that my kids will be less greatful for our time together. It all sounds so selfish when I write it out like that. My joy still far outweighs my worries, though. So, for now... I will just enjoy what I have!
**Update** Wouldn't you know it. I totally jinxed myself with this post. I had a great morning with the kids, wrote this during Troy's rest time, and as soon as I posted it things went crazy. I guess I need to work on ways to make in through those mommy-mommy-mommy-mommy-mommy kind of days. Good thing I wrote this post early in the day or it may have had a totally different tone!