Lack of motivation!

I'm really struggling this week to get motivated and excited about our budget. We've had a lot of things come up that seem so far off track. We desperately need new windows (you can see daylight through our frames). We decided to buy 4 and pay in cash. We could have done just 2, but we really need to do them all and I wanted to get the lower back of the house done while we could. September is a bonus month, so it should be no problem. Or at least it seems on the surface. There are all sort of emotions going on below the surface. We've been so focused paying on our debt that I almost feel guilty not putting 75% of our extra income toward debt.

I think part of the problem is that there have been a lot of other 'unplanned' expenses. Troy's daycare was a LOT higher this time because it's a 5 week month. We'll eventually get the money back through our FSA, but the upfront out of pocket was a bit shocking to the system. Then we decided we needed to take Addison to meet the family. It was a good trip, but we ended up having to get a suite at a hotel so that Addison's nightly wakings wouldn't keep Troy up all night too. We 'have' the money, but it wasn't exactly in the budget this month. It'll all work out, but it's going to take some shuffling. We also needed an oil change and other random thing that make our expenses higher than usual.

Normally I feel so energetic and excited on bonus months. I think this is the first time in a year that it is not the case. Usually I'm able to splurge on some blow fund buys that help relieve some of the 'pressure' of budgeting. This month I don't really feel like I can do that. The 2 purchases I have made - baby monitor and valance for Addison's room - have left me feeling totally guilty. It's a feeling I was afraid of when we started this whole thing. I find myself wishing I wouldn't have purchased some things last month - like pedicure - from our blow fund so I would have more money this month.

I guess it's expected that you'll have emotional ups and downs during the whole process. It's just that this is the first time in a long time when I actually am concerned about where the money is coming from and where it is going to. We have a lot of expenses coming up in the next couple months - including at least 5 birthdays and Christmas. We have another bonus in December, but I hate waiting until the last minute to buy things. I feel like I don't get as good of a deal that way. I guess this is a good lesson learned. Next year we'll designate the September budget for end of the year gifts and budget better in the proceeding months.

Off to search for ways we can use our National City reward points to help off-set my fears.